When Children Leave The Nest

My 14 year old stepdaughter started her first year of boarding school earlier this fall and I have a feeling our home life will never be the same again. You see, our family is comprised of my husband and myself, our four children (my three stepkids – 17 year old Jake, 14 year old Grace, and 12 year old Grady – and our son Wyatt who is 5), and two dogs. When we’re all home, it feels a bit like the Brady Bunch with kids coming and going all over the place. Now that Grace is gone, the dynamic is decidedly different.

Grace’s absence is notable for more than just the smaller number of family members at home. Without her, there is a distinct lack of “femaleness” in the house. I miss having another girl to commiserate with when the boys get in an argument and begin wrestling on the couch, or when one of them burps or farts to the delight of the other two. There is no one here with whom to share my excitement over the purchase of a new pair of shoes, or to watch the fashions on the Oscars red carpet. And when I cook a beautiful French stew for Sunday dinner, the boys tend to look at me with a glare that says “why couldn’t this be spaghetti and meatballs?”, whereas Grace would have been thrilled at the effort and the opportunity to try something new.

When it comes right down to it, the house seems incomplete without Grace. I miss her. I even miss having her raid my closet for a cute shirt to wear, and having to go digging through her things to find my favorite necklace. I miss seeing her knit while watching “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” and helping her straighten her hair or put it in a French braid.

Grace’s absence is incredibly bittersweet. While I miss her terribly, I am also unbelievably proud of the woman she is becoming. It was a big leap for her to choose to make the move to boarding school for 9th grade. Having gone to the same small private school since Kindergarten, she would not just be starting a new school – she would be travelling into the unknown to a place where she would have to start from scratch and make new friends. At the same time, she would be learning to live on her own and master the self-discipline required to keep her room clean, get her homework done, and eat right – all life skills that took me until well into my 20’s to master!

When she left for boarding school, Grace was unsure that it was the right path for her. She told us, “I’ll try it for a year and see how it goes.” I knew all along that as soon as she walked out our door for her new school, she would never be back. It came as absolutely no surprise that she made the transition to boarding school life flawlessly and is on the Honor Roll in her first semester. She is smart, mature, and wise beyond her years, and while we might not be ready for her to go out into the world, she definitely is!

Still, I get teary even as I write this. Grace did not come into my life until she was 6 years old, and now – just 8 short years later – she is already gone. I wasn’t ready for it. I’m not sure I ever would be. But, as the saying goes, “the train has left the station.” A new chapter has begun in her life and in ours, and I cannot wait to see where her life will take her. I’m sure she will read this (she is the only one in our family who regularly reads my blogs), and when she does, she’ll probably be embarrassed by it. But I hope she knows how much I love her and how profoundly proud I am to be a part of her life.

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  1. Kelly Andrews’s avatar

    Very touching. You and Grace are lucky to have each other.

    Reply